i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
