I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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