Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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