you traded sex for a burrito?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
