my vag is so smooth its legendary
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
