I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Girls should come with a carfax report
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
