Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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