ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
