That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
