Already got asked if we're dating
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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