Umm I'm too high to move.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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