JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
