when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
