I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
