I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
