K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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