I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Barsexuality is the new black.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ladies don't puke and tell
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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