i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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