Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
