you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
