I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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