shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
