guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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