she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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