Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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