Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
