If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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