this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
