Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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