Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
