I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
COCAINE IS GR8
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
