i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
