I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
