Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
