People in love make me want to vomit
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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