I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
