that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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