i barfeds in our rink
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
