I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
