Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
