Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
