And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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