It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
