Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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