the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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