I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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