i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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