when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize