Where is the hickey?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
