What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
