She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
