After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
