This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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