I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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