A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
