Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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