my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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