Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
