Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
