I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
