Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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