UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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