Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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