I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
