Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
