Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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