Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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