I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Randomize
