his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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