We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
