brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
