I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it was like eating out sand paper
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
