No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's blow job season.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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