I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
